The following letter is a great example of how to handle a delicate but difficult situation. It’s laced with humor, compassion and genuine interest as demonstrated in the effort it took to craft such a great response. Something to keep in mind the next time you're challenged to respond in a difficult situation.
The back story involves a man in Vermont who digs up items from his backyard and then promptly sends these items to the Smithsonian Institute for consideration. He carefully labels them with scientific names, insisting they are rare archaeological finds.
The following is the actual letter returned in response:
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078
Dear Mr. Williams:
Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled “93211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post…Hominid skull.”
We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago.
Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be “Malibu Barbie.”
It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings.
However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin:
1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.
2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-homonids.
3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.
This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:
a. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.
b. Clams don’t have teeth.
It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon-dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating’s notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record.
To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results.
Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino.
Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn’t really sound like it might be Latin.
However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a Hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly.
You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your Newport back yard.
We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation’s capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it.
We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.
Yours in Science,
Harvey Rowe
Chief Curator- Antiquities
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Last weekend I celebrated 3rd anniversary of my 25th birthday. It was pretty fantastic if I do say so myself. I tried new things, played like a kid, and was blessed by so many who love me. My friends threw me a Pink Elephant Party. We did a normal white elephant gift exchange, only the theme was 'summer'. My darling best friend made me an A-mazing pink elephant cake! She is brilliant :) Heidi brought me some lovely sunflowers that happen to match my shirt perfectly that day, and we had matching sweaters. Jason's sombrero was the big hit of the gift exchange. Many thanks to Comfort Food Cafe for opening their doors for my party!.jpg)
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The rest of the weekend was great as well. Jason & I went to Seattle to see the Ballard Locks & Fish Ladder as well as a lovely dinner at Ray's. I even ate Salmon. Then, he gave me a pretty rad gift. An SX-70 Polaroid with carrying case, original instructions, film, and flash bars! It's pretty. We also spent time hanging out in Puyallup; went bowling, caught a movie, lunch at Cattin's, coffee at Forza, chilled with the strawberry man. All in all, it was a fan-spankin-tastic start to another trip around the sun. I am incredible blessed by all the people that love me and I am thankful to each one of them!
